I know that everyone likes you already, what’s not to like, right?
In my readings over the years, I have come across countless articles on the different things we can do to connect with people, but one of the things that I am always concerned with is the motivation behind why we are trying to do it. I remember reading How To Win Friends and Influence People and thinking that this was so manipulative. However, I have since made a distinction that helps me to process my motivation. I define manipulation as doing and saying things with the end goal of getting people to do things for my benefit. On the other hand, if I am trying to win them over or convince them of something because I have their best interest at heart, then it is not manipulation but influence. Same action – different motivation.
I trust that we are looking to help and lift up others and are looking to influence them so that we can help them fulfill their God-given purpose and destiny. With that in mind, here are some ways to help people connect with you more and make them more receptive to your influence.
Ask people to do a small favor for you.
Contrary to most beliefs, most people like to help others and love to make someone else feel better. Say something like: “Can you pass me the salt, please?” or “Can I borrow a pencil?”
Their subconscious mind thinks that they like you because they're doing you a favor.
In a conversation, when someone is talking, nod your head in affirmation.
People want to be validated and we are unconsciously searching for it all the time. When you nod your head in affirmation, you give them that feeling of validation.
We like people that like us.
Notice something special about them or say something like "I really like the way you think."
Keep in mind that for a compliment to be effective, it needs to line up with how the person receiving it sees him/herself. When you compliment people for something they do not recognize in themself, it is easily dismissed as you trying to manipulate them for your own gain. Giving a proper compliment that will be well received, which is personal and effective yet not so excessive that it becomes embarrassing, is an art form that can be hard to master. It requires an understanding of the type of person you are talking to. Not everyone likes the spotlight placed on them when they are complimented and hence will try everything to dull it down.
When you're talking in a group, give credit and compliment other people.
For instance, if you're telling a story, highlight something that someone did well. People will want to hang around you more. Again, don’t overdo it. You don't have to compliment people all the time, it makes the person giving the compliment look insincere and the compliment phony. Be sincere and look for the natural places where you can give credit or compliment others in a group.
Instead of responding immediately after someone says something to you…wait a couple of seconds.
This makes them feel like you’re really thinking about what you're going to reply. And it makes you seem like a better listener. It is a fine balance though. If you take too much time it will just come off like you are being a slow thinker. It really depends on the context, sometimes a faster-flowing conversation is just more pleasant. Do not give the impression that you are really spending much time reflecting on minor questions. So, answer questions like "Do you want sugar in your tea?" promptly and save this technique for the big questions.
Call people by their name
This really is a no-brainer. We absolutely love hearing our name called by someone else, because it makes us feel important and appreciated.
When you're talking to someone, always show the palms of your hands.
This communicates to their subconscious mind that you have nothing to hide, that you are open, that they can trust you, and that you are their friend.
When you talk to someone try to match your body language and talk at the same volume and speed as they are.
This will tell the subconscious mind that you are like them, and they will trust you more.
Ask people for their advice.
Like doing you a favor, asking for advice helps them to form a bond with you. They get emotionally connected with you and it forms a commitment between you and them.
Example:
"What do you think I should order?"
“Should I wear the flat shoes or the heels?”
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