We ALL share 3 core irrational beliefs that are at the root of our suffering.
APPROVAL—I must be approved of by others to be worthy.
JUDGMENT—Other people must meet my expectations in order to be worthy.
COMFORT—Life must be easy, without discomfort or inconvenience.
These beliefs are like internal RULES that we have for how we, others, and the world “should” behave. The problem is that these rules are TOTALLY BOGUS.
If you’re tired of emotional stress and suffering, it’s time to rip those no-good beliefs out by the root! We looked at the first two, now here is the third and final one.
BELIEF #3: COMFORT—LIFE MUST BE EASY, WITHOUT DISCOMFORT OR INCONVENIENCE.
Need: certainty, comfort, justice Fear: adversity, uncertainty, discomfort Demands: I expect all external conditions to be pleasant and favorable at all times and when they’re not it is awful and unbearable.
Symptoms: • Unrealistic expectations about life being perfect • Belief that living a trouble-free life is a birthright • Lack of belief in your ability cope with adversity • Complete rejection of all life problems as unacceptable
Emotional Consequences • Low frustration tolerance • Self-pity and “poor me” attitude • Depression, hopelessness • Discomfort anxiety
Behavioral Consequences • Procrastination • Shirking • Drug and alcohol abuse • Overindulgence in “feel good” behaviors (e.g., overeating)
REPLACE WITH THIS BELIEF: It is perfectly natural for life conditions to not be ideal or perfect and it’s okay if situations do not exist the way I would prefer, because I am not alone, and the One who has overcome the world is with me. I can live in joy and peace regardless of the situations that happen around me.
False Sub-Belief: Things must go the way I want them to go and I should have control over them. • Consequence: Anger and frustration when things don’t go the way you want does not help you change the situation. Expecting everything to be exactly as you want it gives away your power to be happy until everything is perfect, which it won’t be, ever. • Truth: In most situations, outside conditions are almost completely outside of your control. What you do have control over is what happens internally, such as your thoughts and emotions about a situation.
False Sub-Belief: My unhappiness, sorrow, and disturbance are caused by unpleasant or undesirable situations, and therefore I must avoid these situations. • Consequence: Preoccupation with controlling situations and people, leading to frustration when faced with the fact that this is not possible. Avoidance of anything that could go wrong, which leads to a very limited life. • Truth: Your unhappiness and disturbance is caused by judgment of the undesirable situations, not by the situations themselves.
False Sub-Belief: It is easier to avoid, rather than face and deal with, life’s difficulties, challenges and responsibilities. • Consequence: By avoiding difficulties you avoid the potential positive benefit of facing them, plus in many cases you are only putting off problems that you will need to face later, when they will often be worse. • Truth: Putting off responsibilities, such as procrastinating, only makes the task harder and more stressful. Almost all worthwhile pursuits, accomplishments, goals, and experiences require some level of challenge or unpleasant activity.
False Sub-Belief: I am supposed to just be happy. I do not have control over my emotions. • Consequence: When you are not happy all the time you will either blame yourself for being unworthy or blame the outside for not meeting your expectations and making you happy. • Truth: While happiness can spontaneously arise when pleasant situations exist in your life, joy does not depend on favorable external conditions. When we trust God and have faith in His plans for us we experience a peace and joy regardless of the conditions.
Adapted from an article by Joeel & Natalie Rivera
Joeel & Nataile are co-founders of Transformation Academy®, where they train leading-edge entrepreneurs, leaders and life coaches how to master their mindset and create a purpose-driven business. They have started more than a dozen businesses, and trained over 500,000 coaches from 200_ countries and territories. Joeel is a former psychology professor with a Master’s Degree in Counseling and Education is currently completing his dissertation on eudaemonic happiness for a Ph.D. in Psychology.
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