Exodus 5:22-23 (NIV)22 Moses returned to the LORD and said, "O Lord, why have you brought trouble upon this people? Is this why you sent me? 23 Ever since I went to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has brought trouble upon this people, and you have not rescued your people at all."
I can feel Moses' insecurity and stress in this interchange with God.
God calls us and gives us an impossible task and then tells us that we should not fear because He is with us and that He is faithful to accomplish all that He has called us to. So we say yes, although we are pretty insecure about this assignment and we cant seem to forget our past failures. If Moses was anything like me then he is not signing up so that he could fail spectacularly again. The reason why he was in Midian taking care of his father-in-law's sheep is because it was a job where he does not have to worry too much about failing again. But God came along and interrupts his comfortable existence. He was set for life and God comes along and disrupts him, filling his head with visions of leading people out of slavery. It reignites something in Moses' heart, because Moses had dreamed about this all along and then he had laid it to rest. But God comes along and breathes new life in this dead desire. God was the One who had placed that vision in Moses' heart when he was young and in the palace of Pharaoh.
Anyway, the dream is revived and although it took some convincing because of all the past failure, Moses had said yes and returned to Egypt to fulfill God's calling on his life. But what Moses may have either forgotten or had made an erroneous assumption about was that just because God has sent you and it is His will you are involved in accomplishing - the plans of God does not come about without a struggle. You see when we are involved in the things of God, we have joined a spiritual war and there will be great opposition to the plans of God. We do not fight against flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers, spiritual wickedness in high places. The things of God are brought about by wrestling.
In this case Pharaoh is the tool of opposition. I wonder if Moses thought that Pharaoh would have just said yes to letting the people go? After all God told him to go and tell Pharaoh that he was to release God's people and Moses may have assumed that once he said that, magically everything would have gone smoothly, even though God had told him otherwise.
But it didn't smoothly, and old insecurities rose up in Moses. Old fears flooded his soul. “God, You said that you would handle this and now Pharaoh has actually made things worse, and people are not mad at you they are mad at me. I thought you wanted to free your people?”
We must expect opposition and misunderstanding from the people we are called to lead out of slavery. But the opposition does not mean that we have not heard from God - we must continue to lead from a place of confidence in our calling and vision that God has given us. And in times of doubt Moses is a good example of what we must do - go to God and pour out our hearts. We must continue to be bold before the people we lead but in our quiet moments we must pour out our fears and insecurities to God and allow Him to encourage our souls. Moses reminded himself in his prayer, as well as repeated God's promise that God was going to free His people. He rehearsed the promise of God to him.
God's chosen servants must expect opposition and misunderstanding, because that's part of what it means to be a leader; and leaders must know how to get alone with God, pour out their hearts, and seek His strength and wisdom. Spiritual leaders must be bold before people but broken before God (see Jer. 1) and must claim God's promises and do His will even when everything seems to be against them.
Bible Exposition Commentary - Bible Exposition Commentary – Be Delivered (Exodus 25-20).
God, I continue to identify with Moses. From the palace to failure, to hiding in the desert. I have battled with insecurity, depression, discouragement, allowing a dream to die and embracing that my life will be simply taking care of someone else's sheep on the backside of the desert. Yet you do not give up on Your destiny for me. In the face of impossibility and opposition I choose to not let the fear and failure overtake me. It has run alongside me for a while and threatened to overtake me, but I am choosing to stay bold before people and broken before you. I know that in my brokenness your strength is made perfect. I remind myself today and tomorrow and the days after that you have placed this vision in my heart, and I will not give up till I lay my head down and return to you. I will continue to live from a place of faith in your calling on my life.
**Here is a great and practical add-on resource for dealing with anxiety.
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